Mother Devour

3.28.2018

Vintage Mexican Postcard China Poblana (Teyacapan) by Teyacapan

Vintage Mexican Postcard China Poblana (Teyacapan) by Teyacapan

a mother’s home catches fire
a burner simmers frijoles & chili
the smell of cinnamon, sage, and cedar permeate the old, brown wood of home
ninety-five salt + pepper shakers adorn the red shelves lining the kitchen
and everything screams
a voice is born
the moon is mourning
a flash fire meets gas
men in loose t-shirts and sleep in their eyes rush with great urgency / the flames
she shouts but her screams are muffled by the cry of dogs
the sky breathes ash
the space between the front and back door become one tunnel of red hot blue green fire
and she can see her children huddling
in the warmth of their struggle and the cold of their breath
the stone hearth crumbles, glass breaks
her arms find theirs and wrap over, spun as a shawl
woven / like wool and husk
one child lay sprawled
under the clothes line, calm
eyes half-moon-closed / chest, still
the eldest, his arms receding back to earth at angles like yucca
      underneath the shadow of the dried plum tree
she cries
a slow rush of air and moonlight penetrate her once cool breath
she dies a collective thirty-eight years tonight
a solidarity passage with her sons
the chain link fence does not set fire
a tricycle melts
she breathes and for a moment forgets how to live
mi luna, mi vida
in ten years time, i’ll light a candle
to remind myself of a birth reborn
      a mother’s womb catches fire
      a plum tree bears fruit

 

Paricutin Volcano Postcard Michoacan Mexico (Teyacapan) by Teyacapan (flickr)

Paricutin Volcano Postcard Michoacan Mexico (Teyacapan) by Teyacapan (flickr)

La Virgen de los Sueños

If reality is my cathedral, then dreams are my sanctuary.

Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe

Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe – San Mateo Marian Procession Diocesan Shrine and Parish of Our Lady of Aranzazu San Mateo, Rizal October 6, 2007

I was sleeping on the side of the road, right next to the train tracks. It’s the space where I lived but I’m not sure for how long. Maybe it was 100 years, maybe it was a new space to me. All I knew is I was freezing. You buried me in dirt up to my neck. I could smell the ground, frosted, metallic, harsh. I stayed there for what seemed like days, I could feel the sun rise and set, but my eyes were closed for each coming and going.

My children were around me the entire time. I had four little ones running around me while I was buried in the earth, all of them about three years old. Another, the youngest one only spent three months in my womb before I had to give birth to the stillborn. I made the baby a small wooden bed, and wrapped them in lots of cloth. Another, who spent six months in my womb before I had to give the dead birth, also had a small wooden bed, each of them adorned with jewels. Neither of them breathed, they didn’t move, they didn’t grow, they didn’t decay, nor did they decompose. They were still in life and in form, forever trapped in their small bodies. I knew I had to keep them safe no matter what, breathing or not, and no one bothered me. Until you came to bury me.

After days passed, you lifted me out of the ground. I needed to return to earth to become strong again. The planks I was intentionally buried on top of gave me the form of La Virgen.

Carnaval Mazatlán Mexico

Carnaval Mazatlán Mexico

We went to a broken / run down lab on the top floor of a tall white building, the florescent lights flickering on and off, tinging, creating a high pitched clicking sound. The entire place was filled with people I knew, but faces I could not recognize. There were thousands of them, on every floor, looking out the windows at the black and white sun, sitting in corners, just sitting. How did I know all of them? Had I known them from past lives? Had we just met? A person who was actually a million year old star came up and talked to me without moving their mouth. They told me all these people were my children. I could no longer sleep in the earth, they needed my help.

Every few minutes someone knocked on the door to the top floor and one of my children would answer the door. I never saw the person on the other side of the door, but the child would always say, “No, they don’t live here,” and would be handed a small orange slip of paper where they would discard it on a pile of thousands of other orange discarded slips.

Then, I remember being able to walk again. I broke off of the plank and started breaking all the flickering lights. The star person used their light inside of them to create soft light in every room of the building. And then the building became a school. And the school became home to the live children and the dead ones.

Then I woke up.

Templo San Francisco, Tepotzotlan Estado de Mexico.

Templo San Francisco, Tepotzotlan Estado de Mexico.

I used to keep a dream journal when I was younger. I stopped though I’m not sure why. I figured I’d start again and share my dreams. I don’t know much about dream interpretation, and how can you really know, am I right? I do love the imagery our brains have the capacity to create.

A few facts about my dreams:
-I almost never dream in color. Sometimes a color will make a guest appearance. Like in this dream, the orange slip was the only color present. Everything else is always in black and grey scale.
-It’s very rare I see people’s mouths move to talk with me in my dreams. Usually it’s a “thought” sort of manifesting in words. When the star person was talking to me without moving their mouth, that is usually how everyone talks to me in my dreams, and how I talk with other people / things.
-I can lucid dream, I’ve been able to since I was a child. Sometimes I can think about what I want to dream about during the day and when I finally fall asleep, I ask myself to dream those things and it grows into a deeper interpretation of it all. In the general sense of the term, I know I am dreaming most of the time and can control a lot of what happens.
-I have been able to astral project / have out of body experiences, though I prefer not to if I can help it. I feel scared when I do this, usually because I don’t choose to do it.
-I have very intense sleep paralysis and if I do not do things to counteract it, it happens at least once a night.
-I have reoccurring dreams. One of the strangest things to me, is that sometimes I can recreate new avenues within the dream. There is a dream I used to have weekly as a kid, and it would always end the same way. One day I tried to take a new route, to choose to stop doing a thing, or walk a different direction, and the world of my dream allowed me to do it. Then I tried it another way. The rest of the dream was the exact same, but the world literally grew around me, or existed and I was just accessing it. I still don’t understand this thing.
-I believe dreams hold power.

I will post dreams as often as I have them and can remember to post. I want to document these things, I don’t hear enough about everyone else’s dream states. Let’s share.